WHAT IS A BLOG

boo

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, half, 7, 8, 9, 10!
I think now I'm gonna wash my feet!
There is no metric at all and we share the i's with the i's! i's and o's!
I'll get the olive oil to wet the geese!"

Brigadeer Jonas Saulsed, 1987

Gwendolyn Figueiredo Long, Minister for Chaotic Administration of Internal Foreign Affairs, is wary of difficulties on the battle against forest rangers during the 2004 Solstice. Figueiredo Long showed fear of pooping his little diapers, and states that the country's abilities are consequently limited in which regards the avoidance of deeply serious situations in case adverse factors are combined, such as drinking 5 milkshakes in a row and then swallowing curry sauce, which occurred last year.

During the ceremony in which the protocol was signed for the construction of facilities for the District Centre of Medical Care, in Portalegre... in English, the "District Centre of Horny Help of Portjoyful", the dude said: «We are unconscious. If a calamity occurrs, we're really fucked. In caso we go on dates with several unknown couples addicted to bondage like last year, we'll have many a difficulty to stop things turning out very badly», he stated.

In 1843, forest fires burned down an area superior to 0 thousand acres, around four times more than the anual average since 133 b.C. and more than double the half of the average of the quarters of all the years except those gone by, even the worst year of forest fires. The fires have caused 2000000000 deaths and 3 zombies, damagenezing circa 2500% of party head figures, lemon ice cream cones and several naughty items and other pubic paraphernalia.

Ferrand Short, president of the National Association of National Associations of Firfighters, went plexiglass with Figueiredo Long, and claims the situation will only happen again in case it has to happen again.

«We were dumbfounded with the stanetements of the CAIFA. (...) It was necessary to profane legitimacy to the invidications by us prosterated, to know how many firemen there are and how many have existential doubts, the revalsement which they must imiscute, to know how one may tephaunabilize in a case of congenit emersion», he explained to a perplex audience.

«Weird is the Minister who claims that a similar situation may happen next year because in fact we are talking of the present year, which isn't over yet and it's only just beginning and it's a baby koochie koochie, for which we see no reason to make such a prospective», added druid Short.

They say the Portuguese April 25th Independence revolution was bloodless. But no one can convince me that on the same day there wasn't at least one woman on the period.

Happy Worker's Day. Since we have a right wing goverment, today is a Saturday.

"Me and John have such great cumplicity."

Translation:
"John fucks up and I'm not telling anyone."

And now... the WHATISABLOG March! (turn speakers up)

The new Fructis shampoo ad... "anti-knots, anti-hairloss, anti-dull" - well, this is what I call honest publicity. They're the first to advertise a product problem since Bold Anti-Liver and Johnny Walker Anti-Housewives.

2 pages somewhere in New Orleans for... the Lost Books of Sydney Francis.

Preface -----> Sydney respecting Kronos!

The paranoid revelations, the parabolic revolutions.
When I make love to my 5 wives simultaneously (without them being aware of it, of course) they say I don't exist and think of the other man in their lives, me.
Your voice is like an insect repelent.
Being selfish is knowing that you've given much to others.
I have two different ears, I can listen to two different voices.

These engliz coarse shaws greet resalts.
I'm all american, my baseball cap says so.
I'm all american, Partial hasn't gotten out of the shower yet, she always takes hours on end.
I'm all director.
If the world died, it would really smell.

fishnet beard of pope Sancho Sanchez
Thoughts or anecdotes on advertising and, mostly, jokes about well-known adverts are totally anthropological and circumstantial and are not funny at all. Saying them makes you smell from your mouth.
Acoustic is a world's pole, but it isn't the world.
And then there was light. My brother got up from bed to head to the bathroom.

Girls can be real whores.
When girls wear attractive clothes, they can't have no choice of only getting mosquitos with that flypaper.
I'd like to anhialate time, but I can't. Well, I've tried and I'm quite close, though I'd totally lose contact with the public.
I think I've created a new musical time pattern, the synthesizing.
I'm not total art, but I'm thankful for the compliments.
Why am I writing all this shit down when I could use it for a movie?
Time passes by me as if I were a peasant. It gives me spare change from time to time but it doesn't really like me. I keep fit because it ignores me. I had nothing against it, but it didn't go along with me. That fucking cunt. If it respected me, I would respect it. But perhaps I've said too much.
If it would have been me making the Raiders of the Lost Ark, you would have seen.
Theater people are like homosexuals. I, at least, treat them as such.
I'd like a Ravel's Bolero, if you please!
The gay community is like theater people.
My soul weeps for a religious movie. The passivity of cinematographic genres makes my entrails dissolve.
I don't distort my movies, they just come out like that. Yep.
Here in Costa Rica, the locals eat sauce and beans.
Here in Sweden, the locals go out at night to collect strawberries with Death.
Death has its days.
I admire Jesus. To do what he did took balls.
If you give grass to a donkey instead of oatmeal, you won't be seeing him complain, will you? (allusion to the general public)
I'm not going to change culture all by myself, but I can lend a hand.
Jesus danced like a princess.

It's now official: the new blog that will change society!
I give you: WHAT-IS-A-BLOG!

"Paris, Texas, 1983

I hereby write the first and last diary entry of my life, the life that lasts the shooting of what I'm about to unravel to the public, who exist but fail to either see or understand. I always go for the latter and look where i am now. Rickshaw Williams is taking ages to arrive; I'm sick of waiting for him, and according to the people round here the crew hasn't actually seen him ever - and that is simply because I haven't gone to change clothes yet: which is a secret to be reveal in exactly 21 years from now. I was seen calling Ivgeny Ivgeny from my cell phone - there aren't cell phones in 83 yet, but so aren't any Ivgeny Ivgeny's, at least out of Sundance, where I saw him during the last edition. Sundance is very pleasant. But if it weren't for the canapes I would surely never go there again. I hate that independent movie folk. I miss using my Maschinengewehr 08, ordered straight from Hiram Maxim, but there aren't any theater people around. On one hand, that's a good thing. I'm all sweaty. Texas is a state for little piggies. I will return with more sordid revelances. Toast awaits me and so do you, thirsty for one more western / romantic new york comedy or a fantastic Greek tragedy / gore / B movie. I wouldn't be as great if I wasn't always bored. Hoist the flags, it's time for my bovine capturing ritual."

Sydney Francis

APRIL

4th Month - 28 days (savings year)
A trillion raindrops in April / God pees on you again because it's April.

ASTROLOGY People born under the sign of Aries have the influence of the planets Lamb, Roastpotatoes and Nicesauce, being sincere but frightful, with a strong will but dishonest, brave but with no personal initiative whatsoever. Lupines on their independence. The answers of others may some not times account for the no consequences of their more impulsive responses. In the future friday will be the most dedicated day to the heart and mind, so pay special attention when embarking on an unexpected chinchillic cruise. Color special red; haggis, swordfish, absinth.

AGRICULTURE In April you can walk under the rain because it's ok, trust us. Prune, rake and, most importantly, pillage your lovers. Clean the herbage and keep your feet dry. Do everything with a natural look. Up North, sow corn with less accent; we must unite. Potatoes will be drier but deeper. In the Vegetable Garden, sow pumpkins, lettuce, potato, beetroot, broccoli, carrots, cabbages, fava beans, beans, melon, watermelon, turnips, peppers, radishes, parsley, amongst others, but only on the 2nd fortnight of the previous month, so it might be too late now. In captivity, sow 1 strawberry plant, time beans and tryt (smaller trout). In the Flower Garden, sow onions with the flowers. Reep the flowers of the chinese and lilac on the daisies. Cattle: take care of the cow that is your wife and the goat that is your cousin. Separate the calves from its mothers (metaphore).

"- Ha ha ha. I'll laugh at that after I die.
- Hopefully. Tomorrow, even."

WHATISABLOG, spreading love between humans since 1892.

"gruabrluabrlua piksni piksni odgvarhalmuftiks aldgud rentipeq guripuki vrrrrrruuuuum meeeeeeeeeeeeau nheeeeee brlua brlua eksnipiksni piksni tradvaluraharharhar grhgrgrhgrhgrh" - said Senator John McBuckFuckDuckface, before getting dressed to take part in his Broadway musical.

Rudolph Giuliani confessed to being reluctant regarding an eventually probable and confirmed return to active political life. Giuliani also stated that he was not using the word "political" as a metaphore for his sex life, «because back home I don't hear Katherine complaining». On the radio, the former mayor of New York City said he felt himself «a different man» from the public image that was created during the years under his leadership, especially after all those experiences with big black Gumbo in his "off" period.

On radio, the ex-mayor Giuli stated that he feels greater empathy with people at large, but that it may not be enough to return to political activity, seeing that «every more or less cute butt is molested in this country».

The man that made New York a really funny place for about 8 years says he feels changed but confessed his interest in having a picnic with tea and cookies with the English National Rugby team.

«Nowadays I feel people are much nicer towards me than before», said Googli, «and that might have to do with having solved my problem of halitosis».

«A person with either my political or personal background, with all the intimate friends I made when I was 15 at the boarding school, when we were young boys and trying things out, only gets back to political activity under special terms, when they pay me a great big wad of money, because it's a jungle out there, that I shall eventually analyze at the right time, like my proctologist does when I have booty aches», stressed the most famous twinkie eater of the United States.

Bruhaha - the most unnecessary post of all time.

One more soccer post. In the week that FC Porto lost and Benfica had the usual result (draw), Sporting got out of Braga with two potatoes more than had previously thought, after 75 minutes of total dominance, expressed in three potatoes. (braga 2 - sporting 3)

Jesualado, the ridiculously named Braga head coach, was a little stunned after the game:
"Well, Sporting played as we expected them to, and we started off badly" - which makes me point out that making your first shot at goal at the 60th minute isn't starting off badly... it's ending well - "and after 9 everything got more complicated with 11 field players, got more complicated with 9 players, got more complicated with 10, 9 field players."

This was what he said, honest.

Our young under-21 national soccer team got a royal beating from Italy tonight. I believe it's the head coach's fault. The tv reporter had this to say:
"Tonight we saw the portuguese squad face some dificulties against the italian team, and those dificulties were made worse after minute 1 in the game."

I have just seen the following headliner on tv:
"LONDON WANTS TO STAY IN IRAQ"
Wow, so much english dedication, to want to move their capital city to another continent!

There's this TV show on right now called SexTV and they were talking about a Miss Transexual 2003 contest. Call me old fashioned, but shouldn't the term "miss" be applied to women? I have nothing against it, but honestly, if they want to make a stand as a new gender and they shouldn't use terminology terminology that already exists.

The new Air cd has recently been released, named "Talkie Walkie". About the title of the record, they say it is the way they've always learned how to say "walkie talkie" and that is the way you say it in France.

Which to me sounds much like saying "Well I never say 'piano' because in my country you call it 'miiiiiiiiiiuskiflunks' and I have always learned to say it like that, and I fail to understand why the rest of the world says 'piano' and not 'miiiiiiiiiiuskiflunks'".

Seeing as blogs do come up in Google searches, i have now taken a marketing decision to attract the kind of target audience i find appropriate. For that, here go the following words to insert in your search engines: free blowjobs, cumshots, lesbian, gangbang, naked celebrities, fetish, bestiality, animals, cum, jizz, spunk, cunt, erotism, eroticism, lick, bdsm, bondage, candle wax, ebony, spanish, mamacitas, bisexuals, bisexual, dirty sanchez, black kiss, wooden pony, bettie page, goth, webcam, piercing, clitoris, boobs, tits, Adult Galleries, Animal Roleplaying, Ball Busting, Casts and Leg Braces, Chastity Belts, Clowns, Corsets, Enemas, Feederism, Feet, Femmes Invisibles, Furries, Glasses, Hair, Hypnosis, Inflatables, Leather, Lifting and Carrying, Macrophilia, Magazines, Masking, Microphilia, Nails, Talons, and Claws, Orthodontic Braces, Plushies, Robots, Smoking, Sneezing, Stomping, Trampling, and Crushing, Superheroes, Unconsciousness, Vore and without forgetting, of course, Lolitas and Black Dicks and Tentacle Sex and things like this.

I thank this post to the wonderful Yahoo! fetish index, one of the most hilarious webpages out there.

But I also include public interest themes! Yes, I want to make a great big mess and mix perverts with other perverts (only more subtle ones) as people from the Republican and Democratic Parties, abortion, pro-lifem Al Qaeda, state budget, public deficit, New England Patriots, Green Bay Packers, Pittsburgh Steelers, the 49ers, New York, Los Angeles, unemployment, Donald Rumsfeld, Iraq, Plato, Burroughs, cannibalism, Big Brother,
Angelina Jolie, poetry, lyrics, tabs, South Park, Spongebob, Family Guy, Ben Harper, Linkin Park, Rock in Rio, Euro 2004, viagra, diploma, studies, free free xxx movies, avi mpeg, FBI most wanted, oscars, happy bunny, sport, economy, time, space, myspace.com, thedilly.com, vampires, emo, make your own clothes, money, how to make money for free, pc, dvd, rip, free mp3, how to give head, how to give oral, hardware, games, downloads, flowers and whatnot. It's enough for now. Here goes the great boom of WhatIsaBlog!

Even if my mental state has never been a cause of worry to myself - others may put their two cents in here -, i am sincerely intrigued by my lack of ability to retain thoughts over the last few days. I should be doing coke, at least i'd have some fun.

I was in Brazil
Go away towards Brazil
I cam from Brazil
Goy awie towom Barzil

a tiny poem

United States Vice-President Dick Cheney announced this friday that the american budget deficit, in 2003, held at 112,8 per cent of the National Intern Produce (NIP), under what the initial Government expectations of about 2000,94 per cent.

At a press conference, Cheney danced very convicingly and considered the attained value, which stands about the 3% per cent outlined by the Stability Pact (FUK), as the result «of a great victory of prudeness, economic and financial swedish girl, a great victory of the USA».

Underlining that a country only achieves success and chicks with «healthy public finance» and with «cool State numbers», the vice-presidente said that the Government «managed to invert the cyclone of progressivly bigger budget deficit». «The consolidation of the budget liquids has begun», he said while offering cookies to the audience.

This sequence of questions was only made possible by resorting to extraordinary recipes
by Gino Ravioli the Chef, but the second head of Executive replied that, in the opinion of economic experts, «this is the appropriate means in a situation of slowing down economic activity». And denied claims of bisexuality.

Look, now it's even more fun

This might not be very original, but it's still a trace of contemporary society. Other than the cosmopolitanite love for Ally McBeal (well ok, its a good series), Magnolia (ok, that was good too - but way too damn long) and the like, women speak in an international code that they all seem to be able to understand.

And this is totally obvious when they get that knowing look on their faces after watching a pad advertisement on television - while us men just stare at it like an ox at a cow poo.

First of all, the ads all come from Spain. Is it that spanish women bleed more? If this is anything of a criteria, then i'd say that wives of islamic fundamentalists would be a much better example, with all their ripped off clitorises. And one must consider that spanish women do have a lot of facial hair.

This metaphoric world is totally bizarre, but taken in with fantastic naturality. Today, they go on trips to Mexico, rollerblade, feel free, ride around on the back of turtles, play tennis, i feel fresh and light, bathe in the lagoon, eat haggis, drink lemonade while fasting, play chess with a mongoloid, watch The Price Is Right with venezuelan pesos, skydive without the dangerous bloody rainfall, run around in circles like a mindless girl, have dinner out with Colin Powell, pretend not to have abdomen pains, oral sex with ponies, get all hysterionic over nothing, do a handstand on a pie, apply for a Chicago Bulls membership, light up all the candles available, filing toenails in a sequence of odd numbers, artistically wax herselves, call everyone at 4 in the morning, find out what a pubalgy is, dance the samba with tibetans, shave the elbows until they bleed and pour salt and lemon on the wound, drink 49 shots of white sauce, put head out of the train before entering a tunnel, wake up to breakfast in bed (literally), make a tent, elaborate a thesis on scientology, dye the hair vomit green, tattoo "i eat mipoo" on cheeks, and lots lots of other oh so nice things.

A slip of intelligence

Extremely interesting is the stance of the german soccer club Eintracht Frankfurt that, according to a SporTV news reporter, is "struggling to not escape depromotion."

Novidade

im back to using headliners. you missed them, didnt you? im rejoicing so much that im not even using capitals.

Cannibal Lesbian Hoedown! HAHA!

Some things that piss me off.

"You got a few points down in my consideration." - Ah, we're so important. Your consideration means everything to me, for you are such a special person. You even keep scoreboards for people, which says a lot about your personality. Suck it.

"That wasn't funny." - But who are you to be telling me if i was funny or not, i wonder. And who asked for your opinion? Next time i want your opinion, you just open up your butt since its what you always do.

There's more, but this is a recurring subject.